I used to be afraid of creating friendships. Afraid because friendships can result in loss, betrayal, rejection…The problem with this mindset is that my fear incapacitated me from developing new relationships and experiencing the beauty of meeting new people.

As I reflect on past friendships, I am dumbfounded by the relationships I lost because of my expectations of thankfulness, reciprocation, gratefulness, commitment and other desirable expectations we set upon others. The problems that arise with these demands include (1) the judgments created from such expectations, (2) the lack of consideration I had for other people’s circumstances, and (3) the inability to embrace the joyous feelings created by the friendships at the moment of time.

What I am trying to get at is…sometimes we need to look at ourselves to see if we are friend “worthy”. No, I am not saying that we should try to be friends with everyone. Think about it, are we all required to like the same foods? Some of us are allergic to nuts, hate the smell of durian, have a STRONG dislike for textured foods such as sea urchin sushi (not to mention the taste), and will only drink shots of vodka one time during the year. In other words, we should not have to like everything and everyone but we can respect them for who they are.

Without digressing further, here are a few pointers that I learned (the hard way) and are just concepts you can consider and reflect. If you really want to make friends or find contentment and peace with the relationships you already have, I highly recommend How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie and Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time by Keith Ferrazi with Tahl Raz. You would be surprised by the concepts presented in the texts.

1. Demanding Loyalty is Just Plain Disrespectful:
Yes, I was guilty of expecting loyalty from friends in my younger days but honestly, unless you feed, bath, clean, and care for your friend like your loyal dog, there is no reason why we should demand loyalty from our friends.

2. Friendship Is Not Just About You:
Unless your friend can tactfully ignore your ramblings about your work, family, latest electronic gadget, price quotes of your purchases, hobbies, etc, etc, etc, friendships are not a one way street. Don’t get me wrong, sharing experiences and stories is essential in developing camaraderie, but sharing is the key word. How would you know if you are connecting with another individual unless you stop talking and listen to what others say as well?

3. Taking It For Granted:
I have to admit, I “lost” one of my best friends because I took our friendship for granted and did not keep in touch with her when I left for college. Looking back, I was certainly young, naive, and self centered. Oh well, we live and learn. Friendships, like marriage, cars, gardens, and other things that can collect dust or rot, requires nurture and love to keep it alive, well, and strong.

4. Remember Their Birthdays:
While it may be the case that as we get older the less we seem to “care” about our birthdays, it is still a pleasant surprise when we receive a birthday call, card, or even a text from a caring person.

5. Be Kind, Patient, Gentle, and Respectful:
Just as there are a million and one events going on in your personal life, there are just as many situations going on in your friend’s life. What I’m getting at is, if your friend says “no” to your requests for help, get togethers, or other forms of shared experiences, don’t take it personally. You may have caught them at the wrong time or it may be that your friend has moved on. If that is the case, just let go. One of the most poignant quotes I have encountered is as follows…

“In the end, only three things matter. How much you have lived, how much you have loved, and how willing you were to let go”. – Buddhist saying

If you love your friends whole-heartedly, letting go is one of the things we must be willing to do in the end.

To all my friends and acquaintances, wishing you many blessings and adventurous journeys.

Blue and Black from Nasa 900

Just the other day, I told my friend how “stupid” I am. And to that she said, “no Wendy, you just didn’t know any better”.

To give you some context, my friend and I were discussing the BP Oil Geyser “Spill” at the Gulf of Mexico and I told her that we, as human beings, can no longer claim Earth as “The Blue Planet”. Instead, we now have the right to call Earth as the “Blue and Black Planet”. Our consumerist disregard for our planet has caused our planet to literally “bleed internally”.

I have to admit, I am one of those individuals to blame. I need a car to drive to work, depend on electricity for lights and entertainment, use water to beautify my front lawn, and a whole slew of daily “life-sustaining” actions that use up our earth’s precious resources. Now, the reason why I called myself “stupid” is because I took these resources for granted until I had my son. When my son was born, I suddenly became concerned for his future. Will water become a rare commodity in 2030? Will we have a universal limit to the number of children we can have to sustain Earth’s resources? Will nations threaten other nations to a greater degree for depleting resources?

Because of my son, I am more diligent about recycling, the amount of water I use, assess the items and electronics I buy (whether it is a “need” or “want”). Of course, the majority of electronics is a want but…baby steps is all we can do. What I am trying to say is that until there comes a day where we find ourselves transformed into Avatars, we can continue to look for small ways to positively impact our planet.

Yes, you may say “but I am just one person” and actions seem to be small potatoes compared to the demand we have on our Earth. What difference can one person can do? True, we are only one individual but honestly, the only individual whom we can truly direct, motivate, and infuse with passion is ourselves.

So, to that end, I know my friend is right…I am not stupid, I only knew what I knew at that point in time and because of the changes in my life, found a reason to treat our Earth as my own child. To never take it for granted, to love and care for it to the best of my ability and knowledge, and to be forgiving to ourselves and others to the damage we have caused.

To do my part, I am going to set up a separate page that will include ideas, and other people’s ideas on how we can protect our Earth or be resourceful. If you don’t like what you see, that is not a problem because honestly, we are on our own paths. It is not for others to judge whether your is right or wrong.

If you have any ideas, common sense or outrageous, please email me at readreflect@yahoo.com and I will post it on my page with your initials & city (if provided and permitted).

All I can do is to expose to others what is possible. To dream big, attempt, fall, get back up, and attempt again. In this sense, babies are the best examples of what this means. At some point in their lives, they will attempt to walk and will keep trying…from standing up, to waddling, to confident struts, to a full run. At each point, they had to start somewhere and keep trying.

If babies can keep trying…there is no reason why we can’t try to protect the only home we have.

“The power of one man or one woman doing the right thing for the right reason, and at the right time, is the greatest influence in our society.”
—Jack Kemp

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” – Henry David Thoreau

Considering the amount of time that has lapsed between posts, I would have to say that I have lost my way. And yes, as a reader, I would not want to visit this blog… not because of any inappropriate information but because I would have no idea whether or not there would be additional entries or if the person “behind” the blog is even alive.

Well, I don’t mean to point out the obvious but yes, I am still very much alive, more so than I have felt for months. Nothing drastic has happened. Work remains as busy as ever, family is just as “demanding” yet filled with simple joys and moments, and life is just what it is, a series of events laden with human emotions and expectations, giving such events life, valences, and meaning.

Before I digress any further and to get to the point, I come to realize that the main reason why I lost touch with my blogging is because I was dreading it. After five months worth of “thinking” about blogging and its purpose as well as reading Stephen King’s On Writing and Robert Cooper’s The Other 90%, I realize that I was dreading any form of composition because I was uninspired and felt constrained by my expectations.

The funny thing is, it has taken me this hiatus/hibernation/sabbatical or whatever you wish to call it, of almost 6 months to realize that heah!, this is my personal blog. I can write whatever or however I please. As long as I am writing from the heart and feel joy whenever I do so, I know that I am on the right path.

So, there you have it. Whether this blog has only one reader or thousands (you never know, people read all kinds of things), I will write however I choose because I want to feel alive when I write.

To that end, I hope you find your passion and find the hobby or career that you love, enjoy, and feel passionate about. Never be ashamed about the “time” it takes to uncover and find your joy. As I so frequently hear, life is a journey, not a destination. To be given the opportunity to uncover the craft you love and cherish is a blessing in itself. Continue your craft if it gives you joy. Be forgiving , kind, and gentle to yourself if you lose that sense of delight. You never know what you will find in life that will re-inspire your passion.

Many blessings to you and your loved ones

Wendy