I used to be afraid of creating friendships. Afraid because friendships can result in loss, betrayal, rejection…The problem with this mindset is that my fear incapacitated me from developing new relationships and experiencing the beauty of meeting new people.
As I reflect on past friendships, I am dumbfounded by the relationships I lost because of my expectations of thankfulness, reciprocation, gratefulness, commitment and other desirable expectations we set upon others. The problems that arise with these demands include (1) the judgments created from such expectations, (2) the lack of consideration I had for other people’s circumstances, and (3) the inability to embrace the joyous feelings created by the friendships at the moment of time.
What I am trying to get at is…sometimes we need to look at ourselves to see if we are friend “worthy”. No, I am not saying that we should try to be friends with everyone. Think about it, are we all required to like the same foods? Some of us are allergic to nuts, hate the smell of durian, have a STRONG dislike for textured foods such as sea urchin sushi (not to mention the taste), and will only drink shots of vodka one time during the year. In other words, we should not have to like everything and everyone but we can respect them for who they are.
Without digressing further, here are a few pointers that I learned (the hard way) and are just concepts you can consider and reflect. If you really want to make friends or find contentment and peace with the relationships you already have, I highly recommend How to Win Friends & Influence People
1. Demanding Loyalty is Just Plain Disrespectful:
Yes, I was guilty of expecting loyalty from friends in my younger days but honestly, unless you feed, bath, clean, and care for your friend like your loyal dog, there is no reason why we should demand loyalty from our friends.
2. Friendship Is Not Just About You:
Unless your friend can tactfully ignore your ramblings about your work, family, latest electronic gadget, price quotes of your purchases, hobbies, etc, etc, etc, friendships are not a one way street. Don’t get me wrong, sharing experiences and stories is essential in developing camaraderie, but sharing is the key word. How would you know if you are connecting with another individual unless you stop talking and listen to what others say as well? [for further reflections…]
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